[Opening skit]

[Deon Richmond]
Damn, they vaporized the door
Shot 2 guys, then we hit the floor
Pablo got shot, the weed hit the floor
Jerry got shot trying to reach for the 4

[Donald Faison]
Rolling to the floor, he tossed us the raw
Tossed us the guns, then gave us a chore
With his very last breath he said:

[Unnamed]
Protect the ‘dro, and you can probably go where no man’s gone before

[Alien]
This is the reason why “Mars Attacks”
You stole my weed and now I want it back
Where’s my weed?
[Donald Faison]
Out the window!

[Deon Richmond]
Now they got us running through the backyard

[Donald Faison]
Fuck that shit dog!

[Deon Richmond]
Ain’t no time to act hard
Man, we running from some aliens
Maybe we should talk

[Donald Faison]
What language should we tell them in?

[Deon Richmond]
Shit, I don’t know

[Donald Faison]
Well I’m nice with this blast like Han Solo
I dodged a barrage of blasts
Crushin’ a backpack filled with Martian grass

[Deon Richmond]
Now they got us hopping over fences
Grown ass man, but I feel so defenseless
[Donald Faison]
Laser lights light the sky
So I jump over a dumpster and let three fly

[Deon Richmond]
And I let 4, cause that’s one more than three
And these Martian niggas not getting me

[Donald Faison]
Me neither
The weed either
I’ve never seen glow-in-the-dark sativa

[Police skit]

[Deon Richmond]
Damn, they vaporized the cop!
The little dude that did it reminded me of Pac
Chill, little homie, let’s keep it real, little homie
We just want to smoke, let’s make a deal, little homie

[Donald Faison]
Yeah, this has gone way too far
Do you know who we are?
We’re fucking rap stars!
And this weed will make us legit
We’ll be the only dudes smoking this shit
[Alien]
Oh, you want to cop a plea
After you guys done stole from me?
And now you want to smoke for free?
But first you’ve got to go around and sell my weed!

[Deon Richmond]
He laughed

[Alien]
(???)
You can bang it up and you can sell it for us

[Donald Faison]
You’ll never kill us?
Word? That’ll be dope!

[Deon Richmond]
Ayo, can you drop us off at the show?
They was like:

[Alien]
Yeah, come with us

[Donald Faison]
We looked in the ship and the ship was plush!

[Deon Richmond]
Man, the ship was the size of a fucking house
I think it was rolling on thousands!
Anyway, we chilling on the ship
Passed me a drink, so I took a little sip

[Donald Faison]
Up in the cockpit, ghost-riding the whip
We rocked that lean and popped that shit
And dropped that ship (where?) Down the air (?)
Chilling with a Martian girl on my lap

[Deon Richmond]
And I had a fly one too
Dude’s chick was green and my chick was blue
With dark blue nipples, nigga
Like blueberries
Keep it crippin’

[Unnamed]
You got any turquoise broads or something?

[All]
Pass the weed!
I’m glad we stole that weed from the aliens
I’m glad we stole that weed from the aliens
I’m glad we stole that weed from the aliens
Ever since we did, we made some new friends